Nobody’s Perfect: Alec Baldwin
Nobody’s Perfect
Alec Baldwin is having a hussy fit meltdown this week. He has threatened to leave New York because he just can’t understand why the liberals are out to get him, Just because he called somebody a faggot. After all, he called his own daughter a pig, and nobody thought a thing of it.
The feminists were okay with ‘pig’..but faggot? They have Obama and Michelle at their backs now.
So what does an Obama loving man do? His liberal New York friends are out to get him, so he wrote a letter in Vulture titled “Goodbye Public Life”
(LAUGH HERE.) Yeah, it’s a great read.
Alec swears he loves gays, and never said the word faggot. in fact, he just doesn’t get it. Then he talked about how he got Shia LeBeouf fired from a job because the kid…wanted Alex to actually MEMORIZE his lines!
Horror!
” To prove he had put in the time. (What else do you do in jail?) I, however, do not learn my lines in advance. So he began to sulk because he felt we were slowing him down. You could tell right away he loves to argue. And one day he attacked me in front of everyone. He said, “You’re slowing me down, and you don’t know your lines. And if you don’t say your lines, I’m just going to keep saying my lines.”
So Alec got him fired, but nevertheless said this:
” I wasn’t out to get anybody or make anybody look bad, because I know what that’s like.”
Alec is just so upset, because all his liberal friends were so…WRONG about him, they fired him from an interview show he had in the making. He wanted to pick his guests:
“The first name they came up with was Rob Lowe. They said, Rob Lowe’s going to be in the building. Do you want to interview Rob? I said, “Not particularly.”
And then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, MSNBC said, “You’re fired.”
Yes, he was fired because Rachel Maddow was out to get him for being anti-gay, which he is not. Really! He just likes to use the words faggot and motherfucker and faggot, and whore, and…
Poor Alex…to be fired from MSNBC is like being condemned to worst than liberal purgatory, it’s hell. Can we feel his pain folks? (Ah…here Mr. Baldwin…have a drink on us.)
And then, things got worse: When some reporter criticized his wife for texting during a funeral, Alex called him…well…here’s his own words.
“In my rage, however, I called him a “toxic little queen,” and, thus, Anderson Cooper, the self-appointed Jack Valenti of gay media culture, suggested I should be “vilified,” in his words. I didn’t feel bad about the incident. He lied about my wife.”
Alec was mad…so see? He just doesn’t get it. He has lost his free speech rights, and just has no clue.
Alec is feeling the wrath of Obama’s gay community and just can’t seem to comprehend that free speech in America, is no longer allowed. If he grew up with 4 brothers who constantly called each other faggots in good humor, well, those days are gone.
Sorry Alec, blame your liberal friends.
But does he blame the dictatorial idiot liberals? NO! He blames…get ready for it: Middle America.
“The heart, the arteries of the country are now clogged with hate. The fuel of American political life is hatred. Who would ever dream that Obama would deserve to be treated the way he has been? The birth-certificate bullshit, which is just Obama’s version of Swiftboating.
But this is Roger Ailes. And Fox. And Breitbart. And this is all about hate. It’s Hate Incorporated. But the liberals have taken the bait and run in the same direction—and it’s just as corrosive. MSNBC, in its own way, is as full of shit, as redundant and as superfluous, as Fox.”
Yes, it’s the conservatives fault for bringing hatred to America. And so, he plans to run for office, if the gays will just let him, but until then, he is thinking of moving to L.A, probably because he can’t find work in New York.
Alec says:
” L.A. is a place where you live behind a gate, you get in a car, your interaction with the public is minimal.”
Sounds good to us Alex…Middle Americans are desperately hoping you get your wishes for minimal public interaction, because we’re still mad that you called your daughter a pig.
Only a real pig would do such a thing.
So Congratulations Mr. Baldwin! You win the Nobody’s Perfect Award for….as long as you continue to live.
And just for a piece of advice: You know, there ARE gays in California too. Lot of Queens…a few faggots…a lot of pigs…prostitutes….(do you like the word spic?) …..
The Real American Olympian Gold
Nobody Flashes on a Sunday Morning
Tally is in: Russia wins the Olympic metals count. Who is EVEN surprised? All the Russian athletics had to do to get inspired was turn on the TV and watch the killings in the Ukraine.
But when it comes to real gold metals, I think our athletics beat the Russians in the gold metal of good deeds, which in my Nobody Book, is a much higher score.
Our Olympians are bringing homes to abandoned dogs and saving lives: and what a GREAT way to represent your country…god bless them all.
The First Night of Jimmy Fallon…
Nobody Reports
Okay. Maybe I’m too old, but some of my friends were telling me that Jimmy Fallon was a real talent and I should give him a shot. So, last night I watched his historical first show.
Here’s my Nobody’s Opinion:
Jimmy is still in his childhood, where he told everyone after introducing his mom and dad, that they used to let him stay up late on school nights and watch Johnny Carson, and it shows. He had the SAME curtain, the SAME furniture, and probably Johnny’s old desk. WHY this is supposed to appeal to the newest hip generation of people under 30 I have no clue. I thought the set was boring…but not as boring as his opening jokes. He spent the whole first ten minutes going over how thankful he was to be there, and h
e thanked Johnny Carson, and Johnny Carson’s mother, and probably his trash man…and I was so shocked at how he couldn’t tell a simple joke, I was about to turn it off…but I’m glad I didn’t. I just turned the sound down.
And I would have missed the best moment of the night if I had turned the channel. —->
Will Smith was his first guest, and they did a cute little hip hop dance, but I swear I’ve seen that same skit before. Maybe some of you younger Saturday Night Live people can tell me if it’s an old skit, because I stopped watching Saturday Night Live after Eddie Murphy did his famous James Brown “Hot Tub” scene.
Who can top that?
The rest of the program was Bono and U2. Excuse me if you are a Bono fan, but I just have no desire to listen to their music. BUT…in fairness to him, because I can never take more than a few minutes of them, I listened to the song they played on the couch…which reafirmred my original thoughts: Bono..cannot sing. If you grew up on Jim Morrison and the Beatles, Bono sounds like a distant cousin that just formed a garage band in his basement and…well..sorry Bono fans. They many have some great music but I will probably never know. I just don’t like the man’s voice. I’d rather listen to AC/DC. 
And that’s okay with me. It’s just an opinion and not worth much…BUT…there were others out there who actually TURNED the channel when Jimmy went on and on too much about himself and his historical moment in American history. It’s been reported he had less viewers than Jay Leno’s last night. In fact, it matched Conan’s.
Jimmy cannot carry a show by himself, and last night proved it. Hopefully, he can convinced enough Hollywood and musical friends to do his little musical skits with him because intellectually, he can only appeal to…people under 40. I suggest he get some good writers and practice.
Unless, you like that kind of thing. Like I said, I haven’t seen him every night….and this isn’t the 1950’s anymore…
We have a wider channel choice now…don’t we?
Nobody’s Email: Jay Thomas and the Lone Ranger
Nobody Flashes Email
I had no clue who this guy was until this morning—-but, this IS a funny story, and it has to be true…you couldn’t make this up.
ENJOY!
(Thanks to JR)
Nobody Remembers Why We Are Fat
Nobody Remembers
When I was a kid, nobody was ‘obese.’ Every kid I knew was perfect. Normal. Leave it to Beaver size.
Once a week, my parents drove my brother and I to dancing lessons….110 miles one way across the Tamiami Trail to Miami from Naples. My mother wanted us to be the next Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers–what she got was The Lone Ranger and Tonto. (Another blog)
You would THINK at five, that the highlight of my trip would have been the fabulous underground millionaire shops at the Fountain Blue Hotel where we took our lessons..where movie stars would walk by and hope to be noticed. Or the underground window at the bar, where you could see the swimmers legs dangling under the pool. (Dad loved to stand by that one) Or the excitement of looking for alligators crossing the road. 
Nope.
The highlight of those Saturdays was…WHITE CASTLE. What my brother and I would do for lunch at White Castle. My parents would say, “Hey! So what if it’s a long drive, and you would rather stay home and play with your friends…we’ll go to White Castle!”
You think kids want to sit in a car for two hours, just to be taught how to do the cha-cha by some Cuban guy who couldn’t speak English? Heck no. It was promise of those White Castle smothered in ketchup that made us both into perfect little angels.
I’ve been a burger girl ever since.
Back then, there were not the hundreds of fast food franchises there are today, so is it any wonder that America is on the fat side? I think one of the reasons that America gets fatter by the minute, is because every single town in America has the food strip….you know: Fast Food Heaven Lane. EVERY single town across America is one big glutton street. America really manufactures— Franchisees. Taco Bell, Jack in the Box, McDonald’s, KFC…Pizza Hut, etc….
But….according to National Geographic, we can’t blame our fatness on fast food, no…we can blame it on:
THE MONKEY
Yes….that lovable NOT fat ancestor of ours, is the reason we are fat.
Once upon a time, 22 million years ago, the monkeys lazed around in the African rain forest, living on fruit which they ate year round. And then, about 5 million years later, seas receded and ice caps expanded. So, the curious monkeys went over a bridge to some different rain forests.
In other words, like the 49er’s looking for gold in the California desert, they got lost. And it kept getting colder. They couldn’t find fruit any longer, and the trees started losing their leaves.
(I hate when that happens.)
Anyway, the woods started filling up with lots of starving apes. So what happened? According to a scientist named Johnson, a mutation happened. Ape mutated some genes and became a wildly efficient processor of fructose. Even small amounts of sugar were stored as fat, in order to survive months when winter came upon the land and food was scarce.
And then the monkeys moved BACK to Africa and kept that mutative fat storage survival gene and passed it down to us, who according to the scientists— we been struggling with ever since.
That’s why, IF I go and eat the Blue Bunny Cherry Chocolate Ice Cream in my fridge, right now, I will have stored fat for the next two years.
And since sugar stimulates the same pleasure centers of the brain that respond to heroin and cocaine you CAN become addictive to it, and IF you become addicted to let’s say…doughnuts, you can rest assured that your body will store that sugar as fat, and you can blame that on the monkey.
Or if you prefer: the ice age that Al Gore missed.
And in case you haven’t noticed, we ARE coming into another ice age. This could present another problem.
The monkeys might have to go exploring again, and not be able to find fruit, AGAIN, and their genes will mutate…AGAIN…and future humans will be so big, they won’t be able to walk.
They will have to outlaw sugar. (Wait…they did that in New York.)
Instead of all these geneticists trying to design the perfect human baby, maybe they should be working on a gene mutations that takes sugar and turns it into muscle instead. What good is a smart baby if it craves sugar? Huh? Think about that.
And MAYBE the real reason scientists are studying all these monkeys, is because they are waiting for the monkeys to mutate into humans.
Frankly, I am too. I want them to start talking so that we can ask them why they are not fat?
There’s more than one missing link in the scientific liberal basket.
I’m not sure just what to do with this information but, now that I think about it, I’m going to go have a few scoops of chocolate cherry ice cream, and then maybe…White Castle for lunch tomorrow.
I learned my lesson from National Geographic: Don’t Starve–your ancestors will never forgive you.
It’s the least we can do for ‘evolution.’ Go ahead—have one more….
Nobody’s Perfect: Phillip Seymour Hoffman
Nobody’s Perfect:
Too bad, I thought. I really liked that actor…Phillip Seynour Hoffman. Twister would not have been as fun a movie without his electrifying portrayal of a crazy, adrenaline addicted maniac weatherman, who loved the excitement of tornadoes. Twister is one of my favorite movies.
Phillip Seynour Hoffman died Superbowl Sunday, from a heroin overdose. They found 50 bags of heroin in his house.
Out here in normal America, nobody is shocked. And it got me to thinking about Hollywood…and how, once upon a time, I went there to make my mark…to seek fame and fortune.
Want to know why so many Hollywood stars die of drug overdoses?
When I was 24–I had just broke up with a boyfriend, and decided, (against my family’s wishes), to go to Hollywood and get a job as a drummer and try for fame and fortune. I had an invitation to stay for free at a young, well-connected producer’s house, which was not far from the Hollywood strip.
It was exciting….at first. L.A. was about as far from the hills of Missouri as you can get…and I tagged along with the producer and met his friends, who all had money, mostly because they were kids of Hollywood money. Kids of stars. Kids whose parents and grandparents had worked for MGM, Paramount, Disney, and were household names— Kids who had never in their life worked a normal job. They had nothing to do but run around and hang out.
Pretty nice life.
And you know what these people talked about constantly? Drugs. Cocaine. And cars. And Rodeo Drive. I could not imagine for the life of me a more boring existence. I was there a month, and did not hear one mature or intelligent thought come out of one well-fed mouth. I pretended I was …just quiet. I just observed…and watched, and was totally shocked at the culture difference between their world and mine.
While these young men and women had houses with swimming pools, the most expensive cars and lots of money— ALL they wanted to do was get high.
Within a few days, I learned to hate L.A, the concrete beneath my feet, and the idiots who lived there. I came back home, disillusioned about the high price I would have to pay for fame. If I wanted to get famous, I had to hang out with the right people and stick that crap up my nose?
Sweet Jesus. I could not WAIT to leave.
Hollywood had fallen for Hanoi Jane. (Whose best buddy is now in the White House) The old-time movie stars, who were simply alcoholics, had kids who got into cocaine, simply because. They’ve got the money, and it’s cool.
And trust me: they are bored, with no clue about how to make themselves feel good, because they never had to work. Being someone’s famous kid, is just not enough to make yourself feel good about …who YOU are. These kids are deprived of the chance to grow into mature adults. And then, they become addicts.
I don’t know how, or WHO flooded the United States with drugs during Vietnam, but I’ve heard military people say, the war in Vietnam was all about our government making money off of the drugs. I’ve also read it was part of the “communist ” plan to destroy America from within.
Take your pick. What matters is that drugs have killed millions, per hour, per diem, per–ever. 
The long list of people who have died from drugs in Hollywood knows no end does it? We watched John Belushi, Jim Morrison, Jimi Henrick, Janis Joplin, Corey Monteith, and Heath Ledger kill themselves. Robert Downey Jr. evidently was saved by his friend Mel Gibson, who himself is an alcoholic. We can only wait and watch for the many who will surely die in the future.
How the Beatles survived is anybody’s guess.
Justin Beiber seems to want to be the next James Dean.
You have to wonder why people who have the world going for them…kill themselves with drugs.
Just WHO is getting these people hooked?
Our own President came out recently and said that marijuana causes no more harm than alcohol. Just the fact, that we elected a President who admitted to be a BIGTIME drug user before he ran for office, shows you just how far we have come in excepting drugs into our lives.
Yes, Obama was one of those rich kids…bored. But cool.
Nobody has said before, Nobody Thinks Obama still does cocaine. I had a doctor tell me once, cocaine is the one drug that nobody can quit. Add to that the pharmaceutical companies pouring out drugs even for babies, and we are a drugged-up society.
Looking back–I’m so glad I did not choose to pay the price for success in Hollywood. I like to think I had a good chance at being a star: I could sing, dance, play drums, keyboards, guitar… But…if hanging out with the ‘right’ people was the price I had to pay, let’s just say, I lacked the ambition.
And I tell myself daily, as I shop at the Dollar Store…I did not grab my fame and fortune when I could have but, Nobody’s Perfect—especially me.
Phillip joins the long list of misplaced souls….
From Drudge:
Some have expressed surprise that Hoffman, who seemed so calm and erudite in public was a drug addict, yet this shows an ignorance of how socially acceptable drug taking is in the film industry. While it would be ridiculous to say everyone is doing it – that’s far from the truth – it’s become so socially accepted that it’s no surprise to hear about anyone who does.
And now, the next time I see the movie, Twister, I will say, “God, I can’t believe he’s dead.”
R.I.P. Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I must admit, you did something that I could have never have done. You paid the highest price there is: for…Hollywood perfection. The world…will miss you.
Nobody Cares If I Love Puppies
Nobody Cares
Ah…come on. Put a puppy in commercial with those beautiful creatures and you have a winner.
I’m watching it one…more…time…because it makes me feel good.
They had me at the first bark.
Scientists Go for the “cool” Factor
Nobody Flashes
I have a friend who thinks this is just the coolest thing he’s ever seen, and what’s funny, is that today I was watching a program on the History Channel–and some geneticist scientist, who was splicing different genes from different species to make more or less monsters, said, she just thought it was so ‘cool.’ that she could do that.
Have we come to the point in science that we do stuff just because we can, and it’s cool?
For instance, would you buy this car?
Sure, the way the door go under the car is cool: But is it practical? Picture that car pulling up to the castle in a heavy downpour. The rain would BLAST into the car, getting the seats, the floor, the dashboard, not to mention everybody sitting in it, soaking wet. When getting out of a car now, only a small space is exposed to the outside and you can hop out in a flash, shut the door quickly, and be off.
But: More importantly, what if you are in a car accident? Your door is jammed. It won’t go down. It won’t go up. You can’t get out. The gas tank explodes.
You’ll more than likely: burn up.
And yet, obviously whomever put the money into making this car thought it was ‘cool’ regardless of its setbacks. And someday, when hybrid humans are walking the planet, and we have members of the species who are abominations to nature, will we all look back and say:
“Look! He has gills! That’s just so cool!”
Nobody Wonders
.
Nobody Flashes Dog Tested Arnold
Nobody Flashes
One of the best things that Youtube gives us is previews of the Superbowl commercials. Here’s a few to warm us up for the game. I love this first one, because I love dogs.
And Arnold is finally getting smart: He could have a whole new career just doing commercial like William Shatner.
(Okay, I liked the “Dog Tested” so much I had to post another one.)
Enjoy!
America–Smoke a Joint and Shop Online. Welcome to the New Millennium
Nobody Wins
I TRY not to watch it but they put it on TV when you least expect it: By that I mean, something that I consider almost as bad as getting the latest virus: I’m talking about Obama’s weekly address, in which he claims every week, that he has cut the deficit in half, (Okay…we still have $17 trillion and counting so where DID you put that 8 1/2 million Mr. President?) unemployment is down, and things are just going great!
But it’s not is it? Obama can put his glossy lipstick on his boogie wide-eyed buster brown prophesies all he wants: but this week has been a disaster in the town of St. Louis. As IF it couldn’t get any worse…it does.
All over the country, giant malls are closing down. Before, Wal-Mart just hurt the mom and pop stores, but there was always the malls. After Bush decided to bail out Wall Street in 2008, we lost five big malls in St. Louis within months. And these were giant malls with hundreds of jobs.
And last week, it finally happened. There was a giant mall near my house that blew its last breath. Jamestown Mall, just died. To some communities, the giant malls were like the beating hearts and center of attraction. Everyone gathers there on Saturdays…just because. And when those big centers of community die, it’s like someone took away your favorite uncle.
And I don’t even LIKE to shop. You could just go and people watch.
The hundreds of stores inside the Jamestown mall all moved out by 2010. But the big attractions: Sears, J.C. Penny and Macy’s were still there. Okay. So there were giant weeds growing up in the parking lot and you felt like zombies could be lurching at you before you got to your car, but once inside Macy’s…there was comfort. You could pretend that life was the same. The perfume was way beyond my wallet— but no matter–it was all pretty. Neat. Colorful.
All was going to be okay…I hoped. (Okay, I knew better, but that’s hard isn’t it?)
Then, ..a year ago, Sears went. Then last week, J.C. Pennies, and now, just yesterday, Macy’s closed, the last store attached to the rest of the mall. It hung on for months–that one last store. It looked like a gigantic dead octopus attached like a sucker fish to a well-lit head.
They just couldn’t heat the mall anymore.
How many jobs were lost? Hundreds. Thousands.
But Obama is ON it.
And now more news:
Get ready for the next era in retail—one that will be characterized by far fewer shops and smaller stores. On Tuesday, Sears said that it will shutter its flagship store in downtown Chicago in April. It’s the latest of about 300 store closures in the U.S. that Sears has made since 2010. The news follows announcements earlier this month of multiple store closings from major department stores J.C. Penney and Macy’s. Further signs of cuts in the industry came Wednesday, when Target said that it will eliminate 475 jobs worldwide, including some at its Minnesota headquarters, and not fill 700 empty positions. Experts said these headlines are only the tip of the iceberg for the industry, which is set to undergo a multiyear period of shuttering stores and trimming square footage.
When the malls go, how much longer can the movie theaters stay in business?
Now, they are SAYING that it’s a change in demographics. People are just buying online more. Which it true. Who wants to risk getting mugged getting out of your car at the local mall…or attacked by carjackers or black gangs looking for trouble on a Saturday night? Something that in Obama land was becoming quite the norm.
This morning, I heard something very sad. There was a restaurant downtown St. Louis, called the Millennium, that was dear to my heart. Every year, we would go as a family to the restaurant at the top of the hotel and take my son to his birthday dinner. It was called, unimaginatively, “The top of the Tower.” Of course it was….but it really was great.
And the reason the restaurant was so cool, is because it actually revolved—The whole damn restaurant. Can you imagine what kind of engineering that took? 
it took an hour to turn the whole floor. You sat by the window and saw the whole city: the Arch, Busch Stadium, the Mississippi…it was beautiful. I remember one time when it snowed the biggest of flakes, and being up that high–looking down on the lights and streets at night through the snowflakes—-It was the most magical of evenings. You could close your eyes and pretend your were in Paris.
Years of memories. Floating back to me now. Closed. For good. Dead. One of the cities last great landmarks. Why?
Nobody Wins when you have politicians that know what’s coming, and act like it’s not happening. They almost pretend it’s not that bad.
But it is.
And Nobody Thinks that why Obama wants everyone to smoke dope.
Rather nice of him….considering he just killed my favorite hotel.
Goodbye Norma Jean. Say hello to the new millennium of lost dreams. Go smoke a joint and thank…
Obama. He is saying “The best is yet to come.”
It’s just going to take a millennium to get here.
Nobody’s Perfect: Richard Sherman VS Muhammed Ali
Nobody’s Perfect
When it comes to sports, this week, we have a new bad boy on the block: Richard Sherman. Okay. I didn’t watch the game, but I didn’t have to. According to Richard himself, he is the bad–est guy in all of football, and was so overpowering Erin Andrews, all she could muster was disbelief. (Really, she was priceless.)
And so, this week I just HAVE to put up more proof, of how seriously our country is in decline. Even our sports hero’s can’t match the sports hero’s of yesterday when it comes to…how to talk smack.
Watch Muhammad Ali show the new boys how to do it–and you tell me…who wins the Nobody’s Perfect award for the week?
Cassius Clay…and he’s not around to gloat. But if he was, I would sure like to hear what he had to say about Richard Sherman, wouldn’t you?
Richard Sherman definitely needs to practice more on his smack down communications. Julian was right on.



















