Nobody Flashes George Carlin
Nobody Flashes
With the government ‘shutdown’ going on today, we could all use a laugh, don’t you think?
This routine gets better EVERY year.
Enjoy! Once again, the genius of George Carlin.
Nobody’s Email: BIG HOLES
Nobody Gets Email:
Okay…this is just a twist on an old joke, but, truth be told, it never gets old.
And I’d like to dedicate this to President Trump, for obvious reasons of this week in the news.
Enjoy!
(Thanks to Tom Beebe)
The Biggest Holes
These holes are not only amazing, but some are really terrifying! The sheer scale of these holes reminds you of just how tiny we are.
Kimberley Big Hole – South Africa
Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world, this 1097 meter deep mine yielded over 3 tons of diamonds before being closed.
Glory Hole – Monticello Dam, California
A glory hole is used when a dam is at full capacity and water needs to be drained from the reservoir. It is the largest spillway of this type in the world and consumes 14,400 cubic feet of water every second.
Great Blue Hole, Belize
This incredible geographical phenomenon known as a blue hole is situated 60 miles off the mainland of Belize. There are numerous blue holes around the world, but none as stunning as this one.
Sinkhole in, Guatemala
This photo is of a sinkhole that occurred in Guatemala. The hole swallowed 2 dozen homes and killed at least 3 people.
SHIT HOLE, Washington D.C.
This hole swallows trillions and trillions of U.S. Dollars annually!
The money that falls into this hole is rarely heard from again, nor do we see much good come from it.
It is reported to be filled with hundreds of “ass holes.”
TRULY AMAZING!
.
Who Would You Trust? The Reporter on CNN or Your Local Psychic?
Nobody’s Opinion
Well, it’s official: Full moon. lst day of 2018. Get your charts out. Your Ouija board. Your internet “What your toes tell about you.” forecast.
My toes are perfectly straight. My husbands toes, well the middle toe is the longest which means…he’s an alien. Don’t believe those internet toe charts.
Trump is STILL President. That’s the good start. The bad start is a lot of people won’t be able to start their cars tomorrow due to global warming of the coldest weather we’ve seen in ages.
It’s the beginning of the year and everybody wants to ‘predict’ what’s going to happen, because it fills up ENDLESS hours of cable time, where nobody has to talk about anything real.
Last night I was switching from Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve celebration to the FOX channel, and if you didn’t see the psychic lady they had on FOX…giving out her predictions of 2018 to the viewers, well, you have never seen a traffic accident walking…. I was mesmerized.
Her eyeshadow ALONE made Mariah Carie’s dress look like an understatement. Both eyes were a cascade of glittery, pasted on colors so heavy, she had trouble looking through her eyelashes to even read her predictions. Each eyelid looked like it weighed at least 40 pounds.
It was funny. Her papers were flying out of her hand in the wind, and she couldn’t see the paper in front of her face because her eyes were filled with green glitter.
Not to mention, her outfit was Halloween, Easter, Christmas, and the tooth fairy all rolled into one blond burst of color. And her HAIR. It was so out of this world, I refuse to think about it. It was a mixture of goat cheese, jelly, and macaroni sweet tarts.
And WE were supposed to take her seriously.
Really.
She started on her predictions for next year, and it was…of course…all about how President Trump was going down. Sounded like to hell, or maybe Macy’s basement. I don’t know, she acted like he was due to fail in every way you can imagine, and the commentator had to act like this lady was for real.
After I finally got into bed after 2pm, there was another lady psychic on Coast to Coast am radio station. (My husband snores…so, radio beats earplugs.)
She was all doom and gloom about Trump.
Here’s the deal: You could laugh and just shrug off these idiots as desperate entertainment to boost ratings, but neither lady could get OFF the subject of Trump. No predictions of the weather, North Korea, Oprah, Niagara Falls boiling over, nothing. Or even football…Just Trump.
As if there was nothing else in the world that existed but the President.
You don’t have to be a genius to realize that the global elite is not taking any chances. I think we are going to see a butt-load of these psychics next year.
If the regular fake news is not going to be believed, because the regular pundits predict President Trumps downfall every other second, (And they have failed.) then PLAN B:
Put as many psychics as we can on the News.
Because people believe psychics. They know the media is lying to them, but why would a psychic lie?
NEVER!!
The irony is beyond comprehension.
Yes, years of Vampire movies, supernatural monsters, and government controlling people through polls, which are just basically just paper psychics—have taken a toll on the American culture.
This bombardment of superstitions, are being used by the elites to wear your opinion of President Trump down. They are meant to make you give up: President Trump is doomed. The great Houdini Magnificent says so!
Get that in your heads, you nasty deplorable!
The elites are paying big money to THOUSANDS of people, who are paid to come up with effective ways to manipulate the masses. And that’s a little secret that nobody knows. Putting psychics on really helps.
There is little difference between a CNN reporter, the latest ‘poll’ or a psychic. 
Anyway, I searched for a picture of this women, but I can’t find one. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who thought she was funny.
I bet there are hundreds like me are searching for her right this minute. Something tells me, we will see her again.
I just hope this time, she keeps her eyelashes on. If they fall off, she will look just like any other reporter.
And that would defeat the purpose.
And FOX, just in case your reading this: Put on a few more transvestite psychics on would you?
You can’t claim to be Fair and balanced if you don’t.
Nobody Flashes the REAL Criminal….And Cool Song
Nobody Flashes
This is SUCH a catchy song, I just had to play it again.
Enjoy!
#Metoo and the Pussy Brigade
Nobody Cares
Well…it comes to this. California is burning down as we speak, the rich now with the poor: Muslims are getting ready to burn down the rest of the world in response to President Trump remembering that Jerusalem was in the Bible: Congress is about to actually pass tax cuts and bump the sleeping nation into shock, and what are we talking about?
Al Franken and the #Metoo state of the #menarebigscumbagsandwomenshouldnowrule state of the union.
A few women have come out after YEARS of abuse to be honored on Time Magazine as #Metoo and what do our vast crackpot news organizations come up with?
WHY…it should be a woman’s world! Elect women from now on.
(Remember when they had Hitler as man of the year?)
X-President Obama summed the democratic talking point nicely:
“Not to generalize but women seem to have a better capacity [for leadership] than men do, partly because of their socialization,”
He could have pointed out the leadership of Nancy Pelosi, but notice, he missed that opportunity. Or even “What difference does it make?” Hillary, but I digress.
Someone should ask him if he thinks a woman could have done a better job at being President then him, but someone didn’t.
In case you haven’t been paying attention, this means that the democratic party is going to be running a woman against President Trump next time around. Hillary RAN on the pussy brigade, it was the only reason she gave for us to elect her.
They made pussy hats. They made pussy faces. They now can arrest you in France if you even whistle at a pussy.
And yet, may I remind the world that all these women coming out of the woodwork claiming pain from being groped by Al Franken, well, would a MAN have a problem with it?
No, he would have punched Al in the face.
I’m with Pamela Anderson on this issue. If a man invites you to his hotel room, or into a car, and you don’t know him, and you GO…you’re just plain stupid.
I ought to know. I got in a Cessna 150 once with an ‘older’ man who volunteered to take me up in his plane for a ride, and since I had ALWAYS wanted to fly a plane since I turned 16, (He said he would teach me) I couldn’t’ WAIT to go up in it.
Yep. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
The “You are stuck in this plane with ME.” approach.
Ha ha. I found out that day that you could put Cessna 150 on autopilot while the ‘pilot’ tried to make out with you in the back.
You live. You learn. Planes can fly themselves.
Who knew?
No, he didn’t get very far…I calmly said I would take over flying the plane…or jump out, he could have his pick, but no thanks, I wasn’t interested.
He let me fly the plane. And I didn’t suffer years of “I was once abused in a Cessna” afterwards.
Yes, there are rapists, and murderers, and men who will just come up and kiss you for no reason, if you are young, and they feel like it. I was lucky that day, I realize that.
And that’s why….
Young women have to be TAUGHT that some men actually PLAN these attacks. Like putting buttons on their desks to lock you into a room.
Don’t go down a dark alley at night, don’t eat last week’s meatloaf, don’t drink passion punch and make out on a water-bed, don’t vote democrat, and don’t go to motel rooms no matter what.
Always meet in the lobby. I’m with Pamela.
So, the #Metoo, while sad, also means that women should NOT run the planet.
Nancy Pelosi is proof enough. Hillary Clinton, is proof enough.
So, who is the #Metoo woman, who is going to stand up for making this a woman’s world, and going to run against that pussy loving President Trump?
I don’t know, but she won’t be white.
Try as they might to make this a “pussy” #Metoo world, it’s not going to change much.
What can change, is Al Franken.
He can leave, and take all his #Metoo girls with him.
Nobody is going to care.
Nobody Flashes: A Father’s Wedding Gift…Laughter and Wisdom
Nobody Flashes
I was going to wait until Sunday to post this, but after reading my columns all week, I think a good laugh is in order.
This father is great. You can bet, that when “God” takes this father, they will need to find a bigger church.
If you haven’t seen this: You’re missing one of the greatest father’s wedding speech of all time:
Enjoy!
(Thanks to Tom Beebe)
Nobody Flashes “The Most Wonderful Time In Eight Years!”
Nobody Flashes
Some GOOD cheer from me for a change.
Enjoy!
Won’t be long before Christmas is here. I actually bought a turkey today.
There ARE No Fools at Kevin’s Corner
Nobody’s Fool
Here’s one of the BEST rants you will ever hear on why Hillary Clinton lost. Really, he made all the same points that most of America was thinking…
If you don’t know about Kevin…you should. What’s even better is that you can believe that the democratic party is seeing more blacks seeing through their BS and making video’s laying out the truth, and THAT’S why they keep pushing the “race” card in our face every day.
But have heart, good men like Kevin are coming through for us, and he has a great sense of humor.
And one more thing…Kevin has some really great tee-shirts at Kevin’s corner…I’m going to get myself one.
So, Congratulations Kevin! You win the Nobody’s Fool Award for the week…
Let’s hope Hillary Clinton gets to see your video.
That would make MY week.
Enjoy everybody!
Three Stooges of Liberal Logic
Nobody Flashes
This is just TOO funny. Listen to three liberal women discussing the recent finding that if the frontal lobes of the brain are damaged, then more than likely you will NOT believe in God, and will love immigrants.
If your frontal lobes are developed, you are more likely to be religious, and will not exactly appreciate immigrants taking over your country.
To hear them trying to figure out how to twist the meaning of this study to make themselves feel better is, to this nobody, hilarious.
Enjoy.
Nobody Could Solve the Problem With a Little Bit of Humor
Nobody Flashes
Okay, I have it. I have a way to solve this whole ugly, messy, nasty, fight between the black football players and their VERY angry followers.
BEFORE the National Anthem is played, they could all come out and kneel, then stand up, and this song should be blasted throughout the stadium.
And THEN, those same football players could, grab each other shoulders, line up, and do this Greek Dance…to Zorba the Greek.
Wouldn’t that simply be hilarious? Wouldn’t that make you just want to forgive them?
Okay. So that will never happen. But in a sane world, if this Nobody owned a football team, I would tell the players they would have to do this ( as a form of asking forgiveness for being such idiots) or else they wouldn’t get paid.
Pretty simple. If they refuse, then, let them get a lawyer.
Go ahead, picture it in your mind…good idea huh?
All nonsense aside, I grew up on Herb Alpert, simply because my brother was a professional trumpet player, and every Christmas he would buy ME a Herb Alpert album.
Right. Just what I wanted. But, I had to admit looking back, the guy truly was a talent.
Zorba the Greek. I wonder, if the Greeks still dance to this?
Enjoy…and feel free to give it a try next time you celebrate…..anything that looks like America has gone back to sanity.
(Might be a while.)
You Don’t Even NEED to Brush Your Teeth Today
Nobody Flashes
Well…according to about 30 YouTube video’s Nostradamus, NASA, the Bible, Jesus, Michio Kaku, TODAY, will be our last day on the planet. (Well, maybe.)
The earth will be hit by planet Nibiru and there you go. We won’t have to hear the shrill voice of Hillary Clinton ever again.
It seems the elites that knew this, didn’t want to panic us, so they just gave us hints in movies.
Today, September 23, 2017, will be our last day on earth.
Hopefully, I can wash my car first, and it waits until after lunch.
I’d HATE to die on an empty stomach.
The Festering Pus of a Sore Loser: Hillary Clinton
Nobody’s Perfect:
Sigh.
Believe me, the LAST subject on the planet I wanted to bring up again this week was the inflatable ego of Hillary Clinton, but like a big boil filled with festering pus, she just WON’T go away.
Some fool should just go ahead and put Hillary’s face and head on a big hot air balloon, and put her in the basket, where she could wave and throw copies of her book down on San Diego.
I’d like it.
Who knows WHY she won’t stay away? Hillary is now trying to convince the world that: Yes, we should just hand over the Presidency to her, because she won the popular vote.
She wrote her book, to get herself back on TV. It’s called: “What happened.” The people in the toilet paper section at Cusco looked pretty excited about it.
Okay. So, Russia knows how to get on Facebook. 
So do most 5 year olds.
In the last few days, Hillary has taken the boat to “What’s a matta U? Why am I NOT in the White House you swines!!” to a whole new level of idiotocracy:
Here’s a few things she said:
Hillary on Trump: Whatever he’s doing and whatever he thinks is happening he will accuse somebody else of. And there are examples during the campaign when he did just that, like when he called publicly on Russia to hack my personal emails.
Nobody: Hillary is the QUEEN of blaming everybody else for doing exactly what she is doing. That’s right out of the democratic Alinsky playbook…like trying to convince the world that Trump colluded with Russia, when she sold U.S. uranium to Putin, (while making a few million) and her cohort in crime, Podesta, made MILLIONS with the Russians. But, that’s legal.
Trump’s line about Russia was a joke. Pretty lame Hillary.
Hillary: if I had lost the popular vote but won the electoral college, and in my first day as president, the intelligence community came to me and said, “The Russians influenced the election,” I would’ve never stood for it. Even though it might’ve advantaged me, I would’ve said, “We’ve got to get to the bottom of this.” I would’ve set up an independent commission with subpoena power and everything else.
Nobody: If you believe that Hillary Clinton would have handed over her win to Donald J. Trump just because the “Russians” influenced the election, then obviously, you have no clue where America is on the map, and you are sitting on some deserted island, smoking banana with cheese and thinking that Bob Marley is still alive.
Hillary: So what happened in Kenya, which I’m only beginning to delve into, is that the Supreme Court there said there are so many really unanswered and problematic questions, we’re going to throw the election out and re-do it. We have no such provision in our country. And usually we don’t need it,” Hillary stated.
Nobody: Hillary wants to throw out our Constitution and follow Kenya’s great laws.
You want to just throw out the election and step back into the White House honey? What? Do you miss being able to boss thousands of White House Servants around. Do you miss your séances with Eleanor?
Won’t Eleanor come to your house?
Hey, go run for office in Kenya!
Hillary: Now, I do believe we should abolish the Electoral College, because I was sitting listening to a report on the French election and the French political analyst said, ‘You know in our country the person with the most votes wins, unlike in yours.’ And I think that’s an anachronism. I’ve said that since 2000.”
Nobody: Right. Hillary won by illegals voting in Southern California, and the Mafia fixing in New York…and the voting fraud was overwhelming. I don’t believe she won the popular vote, simply because, she lies…all the time. A recount, if it didn’t cost us so much, would be a good thing…we’d find out that she probably lost.
Hillary: “You know, every time Donald thinks things are not going in his direction, he claims whatever it is, is rigged against him,”
Nobody: Says the woman who is saying at this very moment the whole thing was rigged against her by Trump, the Russians, Obama, Bernie Sanders, men in little green suits, conservative white women, and dogs without borders. By the way, she actually DID rig the democratic election.
Hillary: “We’ve been around for 240 years. We’ve had free and fair elections. We’ve accepted the outcomes when we may not have liked them. And that is what must be expected of anyone standing on a debate stage during a general election.”
Nobody: WAIT! Before you think that she has come to her senses, she was talking about TRUMP not saying he would accept the election.
That right there, shows that she really is off her rocker. Send her over to Rocket man. Go ahead Hillary— Show us your talent. Jimmy Carter talked to Kim Jung Ho Ho, why can’t you?
In the end, Hillary hinted that if Mueller found ‘possible’ Russian collusion with Trump, she would demand to be anointed President.
We’d all be made to bow down to the new Queen.
And if HILLARY Clinton was President, the only way you would get her out of the White House is if the nobody picked her up off the floor some night, but just let her lay there.
Hillary Clinton is the biggest sore loser since….well…I can’t think of one.
So, let’s give her that: Hillary: The biggest sore loser in History.
I suggest we replace her picture in the White House with Monika’s.
It’s the least we can do.
P.T.S.D.: Post Trump Sex Disorder and How to Cure it.
Nobody Wonders
You might wonder: Joyanna, how can you be so…weird? Where do you come up with some of these wild conspiracies?
If you must know, I make it a point to read every day, and I make it a point to read a wide variety. I read in the morning, in the bathroom, in my office, online, in the car, in my bed, sitting at the doctor’s office, dental chairs, billboard signs, etc.. I read so much I’m surprised my eyeballs haven’t got permanent type marks engraved on my eyeballs.
I thought I was the only nut who did this, until I read that Alvin Toffler, the grand master of progressive social engineering, the author of “Future Shock”… said he did the same thing…. only he only read various world newspapers every day. (Boring)
What have I learned? Enough to know that the printing world has been taken over by demons.
It doesn’t matter what you read nowadays, or where you read it. It could be in a cooking book, a book on space, how to clean out your closet….no matter: it’s all about trashing President Trump.
For instance, the editor of Vanity Fair, Graydon Carter, is single-handily the most vicious attacker in print. He makes Time Magazine look like Readers Digest in big print, when it comes to the subject of Trump.
And since Trump announced his candidacy, Carter has been on a rampage of rancor against the President and everyone in his administration.
He hates him.
Here’s a sample from one of his editorials:
“His presidency is effectively doomed…it’s only a question now of how and when it will end. Treason? Impeachment? Incapacity? Until that day, you should be forgiven if you think you are suffering from extreme, full blown P.T.S.D. President Trump Stress Disorder. You are not alone.”
You know, nobody thought he would win, so sorry Carter, you lost. 
Still, I was surprised when I was flipping through Cosmopolitan Magazine, and discovered how the editors there were concerned about P.T.S.D.
In Cosmo’s P.T.S.D —stress becomes ‘sex’. And according to Cosmo, there seems to be less sex happening all over the United States:
Are you, dear girl, not feeling the urge? Here’s their answer:
“Could it be PTSD? But not the kind you’re thinking of: If you haven’t been suffering from Post Trump Sex Disorder. It’s a sudden and swift aversion to sex caused by the anger, fear, and confusion you’re absorbing from the current political climate.”
How does Cosmos solve this problem? (Let’s ask Hillary!) They say: All you need to do to conquer this lack of sexual interest is to go and protest.
“Protests are powerful…and they can be a great aphrodisiac”
Who knew? 
Yes, the liberals are telling kids if they go to protests against that horrible President, they might feel the desire to get laid, and then they will feel better. I was waiting for them to suggest having sex on a cop car, or instead of throwing pee in bottles they could throw wads of condoms and dildos.
Too bad. They didn’t give details.
But Joyanna, you say….These are liberal magazines, what do you expect? Especially when the next page they ask, “ I know I’m supposed to pee after sex, but what about after using my vibrator?”
(I say, dip your vibrator in glue, or better yet, hot sauce mixed with glue.)
Good god. If you even need a vibrator, then obviously, you are not protesting in the right place.
Try Berkeley. You might get lucky and run into Bill Ayers. The sex could be explosive! In fact, I suggest you go up to him and say, “Are you glad to see me, or is that an explosive in your pocket?” (sorry)
Anyway, back to Greydon. Carter. 
One of the things that annoys Carter is the fact that when Trump stands up…he does NOT button his suit. Why…every man with any class and intelligence KNOWS that you MUST button your suit upon standing, or else…you are…a moron and not worthy.
As I wondered how Carter could even CLAIM to be an intellectual after complaining in his editorial about the horrible sin that President Trump does not button his suit, being as that makes him sound like a petty jealous girly moron about the age of 14, I came upon THIS in AARP:
A little smidgen about ties on page 9, AARP’s latest issue:
TIE VOTE: No doubt, our new president defies convention to politics. But also in fashion. Some detractors have noted this refusal to follow the modern norms of tie length. President Trump likes to wear them an inch or more below the belt. “We propose an amendment.”
Gee..AARP is sorely concerned that Trump’s tie is too long.
All this complaining from liberal dip wads makes me want to put on a suit, with a man’s tie hanging down to my knees, and take a picture of myself, a vibrator in one hand, sitting on the toilet with anti-bacterial lotion in the other, with a sign behind me that says:
THIS is how you cure your ugly ass, and finally get laid!
(And these people call themselves intellectuals.)
Here’s the good news: Graydon Carter just quit. Why? He didn’t want to have to fire people, because Vanity Fair has to downsize due to the fact that readership has fallen off the planet.
AARP? They were the ones who pushed Obamacare in the first place. Thanks a lot AARP. Really, now about more articles on HOW TO GET RID OF IT!!!
This really is a shock. I’m sorry. I know it’s been going on for a long time but… REALLY? They have to label the hatred of the President with P.D.S.T, and make it sound like a venereal disease— and THEN spread it around the publishing universe?
Very Clever.
That’s why I’m going to my own protest: I’ve got an old copy of Huckleberry Finn. I’m going to take it down off the shelf, and READ it.
And after reading that, I plan to have REAL sex.
Don’t tell the kids.
Nobody’s Flashes Email: Because I Need a Break from the News
Nobody Gets Email
I can’t help it…I posted this because of the oxygen question….and wouldn’t you like to know who does this in the shower?
Enjoy!
(Thanks to Kris)
THOUGHTS FROM THE SHOWER
- If you attempt to rob a bank you won’t have any trouble with rent/food bills for the next 10 years, whether or not you are successful.
-
Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
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What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?
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If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
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Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C?
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Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V?
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Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
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Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty
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The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims.”
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Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.
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100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
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Your future self is watching you right now through memories.
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The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.
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If you replace “W” with “T” in “What, Where and When”, you get the answer to each of them.
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Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.
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If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
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If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we’ll just call it “2’s Day.” (It does fall on a Tuesday)-
About
I am a nobody. If the different classes of America were color-coded, I would be in the yucky brown, one rung up from the bottom. I grew up in Naples, Florida and live near the Mississippi River now with my husband and two dogs. I am part of the slowly disappearing middle-class. I was a musician most of my life: drummer/singer/keyboards—but I retired before the plastic surgery flu hit. I have no degrees, which could be a good thing…depending on how you view our educational system. I do have three patents…but that really doesn’t make me a somebody. The one thing that is constant in my life is my OPINIONS, which i have more than perhaps even Carl Sagan could have imagined…mostly political. (yes…my ancestors were crabby buggers)
Hopefully other nobody’s will put their opinions on my site. But, if you happen to be a somebody, you’re more than welcomed to help out.
It’s my Nobody Opinion that Nobody’s Perfect, and Nobody Cares, that Nobody Knows why Nobody Wins, and when that happens, Nobody Wonders, why Nobody Flashes, why Nobody’s Fooled, but then Nobody remembers that Nobody ALWAYS Reports the truth.
You can email me at joyanna_adams@yahoo.com
Joyanna Adams
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