Nobody’s Email: World’s Shortest Books
Nobody Gets Email;
Yes! It’s the weekend! Time for some of my Nobody Email! And here we have the worlds shortest books:
Enjoy!
(Thanks to Kris)
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These books hold the world record for the shortest stories, and you must have a pretty good long term memory and be well informed to fully appreciate the humor.
World’s Shortest Books
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
By Tiger Woods
________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda, Cindy Sheehan
& Michelle Obama
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Foreword by George Soros
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By “The Rev Jesse Jackson” & “The Rev Al Sharpton”
______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton
_________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
_________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
By Amelia Earhart
____________________________________
HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
By Dr. Jack Kevorkian
__________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O’Donnell
__________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson & Casey Anthony
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
By Ted Kennedy
________________________________________
MY BOOK ON MORALS
By Bill Clinton
With introduction by
The Rev. Jesse Jackson
And foreword by
Tiger Woods with John Edwards
____________________________________________________
HOW TO WIN A SUPER BOWL
BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS
___________________________________________________
AND, JUST ADDED:
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
By Nancy Pelosi
________________________________________________________
And the shortest book of them all………………..
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
By Barack Obama
Ghost Pains, and Missing Parts
Nobody Cares
It had been awhile since I got my hair cut. I hack, and trim away, until it’s so beyond messed up, I have to give in and let a pro do it…sometimes I can’t even see.
And Jim, the guy who has been cutting my hair for over 20 years, is a pro. He’s not in one of your fancy salons, nope. He has his own little shop.
I got turned onto Jim by my husband who had gotten haircuts from Jim since he was a teenager. Jim started out as a barber, because his father had been a barber. He’s about six foot, manly yet suave, what you might call in his prime, a real ladies man.
Jim saved up to buy his own shop, not long after barber school and so, he bought lot on the corner of a main street, and converted an old house into his own personal salon. It’s pretty cool, looking from the outside. Big purple strips and lots of tropical plants make the building stick out in the now destitute neighborhood as an oasis of eye candy….it’s so out-of- place you WANT to go inside.
Jim was always a good-looking guy, the kind that you would see in the disco’s in the seventies—always surrounded by women, so he started doing women’s hair too. And the GREAT thing about Jim (not his real name) is that he will do whatever you want. If your hair just got singed in the great Chicago fire and you looked like you had put your finger in a light socket, and you just wanted Jim to trim it up a ‘smidgen” Jim would do whatever you like. It’s your hair he figured. If you want to remain ugly…so be it!
I cannot TELL you how rare that is.
So, I hadn’t seen him in a while. And when I saw Jim, who is by all accounts younger than 50, come into the room with one of those walkers that old people use, I thought..what? He was behind the counter so I didn’t see, that he was missing a leg until I went into the room.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I was down in Ferguson and got hit with a tear gas canister.”
“What! What in the world were you doing there, you ninny!” I screamed, and took off my sock hat and started playfully hitting him on the shoulder.
He was kidding of course, but if you knew Jim, you’d almost believe it.
The real story is almost sadder. It seems, Jim was having knee problems, and went in for surgery, and got a Strap infection in the hospital. Then he had to go in again…only to be fixed again, and then AGAIN, and four more surgeries and after four other infections–they had to take the leg off.
Now, what are the odds? I had another friend here in St. Louis go into the hospital to have a leg taken off and they took the wrong one off, therefore now he is missing both legs.
The good news, if there is one…is that Jim had Blue Cross/Blue Shield and he only had to pay $25,000 out of $300,000 for all his surgeries. And sooner or later he will get fitted with the latest technology of prosthesis that has come out of all our boys getting maimed in Afghanistan and Iraq.
The bad news is…Nobody Wonders just how far our medical system has fallen. And why is this stuff happening so much?
Jim didn’t say one word against his doctor. He has accepted it….but he did lose a lot of business because he was out of work for so long. I would have been furious.
Jim didn’t go on welfare, or disability. He plans to keep on working, even if he has to sit in a chair and cut hair, which is how he cut mine.
After I left him of course, I felt so lucky to be able to walk out on both legs. We all take our health for granted every day don’t we? By the grace of god go any of us.
After that, I went to a grocery store in the same neighborhood, and I was at the fruit counter and one man in a wheelchair was trying to get a woman who worked there and was putting up oranges to help him. He couldn’t open the freezer door.
“Can you help me?” he asked. “Would you get me the $2.99 fruit cup basket in there, I can’t reach it.”
“Sure!” I got it for him, and noticed his black eyes. The way he didn’t look like he had eaten for weeks, and the dirty clothes. He thanked me.
So many people are in such dire straits.
I remember Jim telling me the worst part of it, is that he had an itch on his caf last night, that was driving him crazy….he couldn’t fall asleep.
His caf is not there. It’s all ghost pains, some of which never go away.
Ghost pains. Let that be a lesson to you America…
In the words of Joni Mitchell (who probably stole it from someone else)
You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.
America is suffering ghost pains. Longing for the past that is no longer there. Longing for our American legs that no longer stand.
And some of us, are being kept awake at night because of it.
(And the fact that I turned this into some political thought instead of ending it with Jim is this: I’m not worried about Jim. He’s going to survive.
America? I’m not so sure about that. )
Nobody Remembers the Community Reinvestment Act of 1977
Nobody Remembers
Remember….Elvis?
Okay. I don’t even remember Elvis. My brother loved Elvis, I loved the Beatles, and he now knows more about Miley Cyrus than I even care to ask.
But that’s not what Friday’s blog is about. Enough with the good old days of Beach Boys singing about surfing, and women in Bikini’s who didn’t look starved to death.
Let’s remember…The Community Reinvestment Act (CRA) of 1977!
And why is this important? Because if you want to know WHY our Presidents, Congress, AND our Supreme Court are ignoring the Constitution and trying to make it really easy for illegal’s to flood the country, and will continue to follow that path hell or high ice water, remember…they all have a goal in mind that they feel is a MUST for the survival of the United States and that is to get immigrants into the country. And get the poor more money. And it’s not easy. You have to give them stuff.
It all started with the CRA and peanut boy Jimmy Carter. Back when Carter was President, there was a lot of complaints that white people were getting loans but urban blacks were not.
Congress decided to give these people houses. (Which is WHY we need term limits…I’m all for 3 months at a time.)
If you think Jimmy was the only one to feel it his job to get ‘minorities and poor people’ houses, think again. President Bush, Clinton, AND Obama have also carried on that fine tradition of….giving people who can’t afford them, free houses. OR…houses they couldn’t possibly afford.
Add free college and health care, and back Social Security payments, throw in free drinks at the local strip club, and you can see where this it going.
From It Is Dangerous to Be Right when the Government is Wrong by Judge Andrew P. Napolitano
The Community Reinvestment Act made it legal for the government to twist the arms of private banks to make loans to “less than creditworthy borrowers” thereby forcing private banks to associate with clients not of their choosing but rather of the government’s choosing. To hold control over these lenders, Congress empowered a number of regulatory agencies to punish those banks that were not meeting the credit needs for “low-income, minority and distressed neighborhood’s.” The government’ threat to these lenders was real. Agencies like the Federal Reserve, the Comptroller of the Currency, the Office of Thrift Supervision, and the Federal Deposits Insurance Corporation could examine banking institutions for CRA compliance (or non-compliance) and take this information into consideration when approving applications for new bank branches or for merger or acquisition. Banks were bullied into loosening their standards and as a result , made questionable loans to those who could not afford them.
He cites an example of a strawberry picker who made $14,000 a year, a loan for a $700,000 home.
And in the end, President George W. Bush had to come out and ‘save’ the economy which was on the verge of ‘collapse’ due to the gambling on Wall Street, but the real problem started with politicians trying to give the poor houses they couldn’t afford, and in the meantime, putting thousands of small banks into bankruptcy.
Which, of course, were gobbled up by the bigger banks, who were bailed out, making EVERYONE wonder if they did this all on purpose? Ha ha ha..of course they did! You think they don’t teach this stuff at Harvard?
That act alone put Obama into office and led us down the path to the destruction of Western Civilization. It was massive redistribution, and it had the blessings of the Bush family.
And so, that’s why we must remember Elvis, and the good old days, when he…was King…when life was much sweeter. In fact…if we could have made him King..
We’d be a lot better off today. Rap…would never have happened.
Nobody’s Fool: Brent Bozell
Nobody’s Fool
Here’s another excellent speech from CPAC. If you don’t know who Brent Bozell is, then this is your chance.
He is a passionate patriot, a tireless fighter for freedom.
Brent wins the Nobody’s Fool Award for the week, for making this outstanding Paul Revere Warning…..of our future in which more gestapo liberal attacks on our freedom of speech and Christian leanings are in store. Brent is doing this almost alone, and with stupendous courage.
Don’t miss
Obama…Now Wants the FEDS to Control the Police…
Nobody Wonders
Eric Holder, thanks to disasters of Ferguson, is saying that the Ferguson police force mistreat its black community and therefore needs to be fined and put in its place, and so, as on cue, Obama has introduced a federal program—-
The Obama administration released a plan to expand federal control over state and local law enforcement.
The plan released Monday, entitled Task Force on 21st Century Policing, advocates the federalization of police agencies across the country by forcing them to adhere to stricter requirements when they receive federal funding.
Nobody Wonders if THIS is the final goal that Obama and Holder were aiming for in order to get his very own police state controlled by HIM.
Wait…I don’t have to wonder at all. Watch the video above, ONE MORE TIME.
FOX NEWS…Being Censored Here in Missouri…How is it where YOU are?
Nobody Flashes
Internet censorship has already begun at my house.
Fox news, yesterday AND today, are just blanked on my cable TV. I can get all other 100 channels, but FOX news is blanked out completely. It happens only during certain subjects are being discussed.
For five to ten minutes at a time. The ads come on, and it’s being blanked out when the subject is Obama or Israel.
Is this happening to anyone else? They didn’t blank out Netanyahu’s speech though. I would say it was a technical problem but WHY are all the other stations not effected?
Just wondered.
Nobody’s Perfect: C.J. Pearson VS Bibi Netanyahu
Nobody’s Perfect
This week, we have C.J. Pearson VS Bibi Netanyahu.
What did they do? They are on the BIG BAD list of people who dared to criticize King Obama.
Let’s start with the obvious: Obama is making a secret deal with Iran, and in typical dictator fashion, he refuses to let anybody see the deal he is making, but word is, it’s a lousy deal. Obama who believes it’s Iran’s civil right to have nuclear capability, is making that happen.
And so what did Bibi do to piss of an American President? He dared to say, that he intends to protect his country and that Obama’s deal with Iran will endanger Israel to possible nuclear attack. In fact, it’s a certainty.
Because we have been friends with Israel ever since its founding….our Congress invited him to speak, which enraged King Obama. So, Obama got all his court democratic jesters to protest and say things like this:
Diane Feinstein, the Democratic senator from California, told CNN on Sunday that Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s contention that he is speaking for all Jews in lobbying against an agreement between the US and Iran is “arrogant.”
And then there’s the 12-year-old C. J. Pearson who became an internet sensation when he put his very impressive thinking on Youtube. He said that he didn’t believe that Obama loved the country. And for that…he got kicked off Facebook.
So who wins the Nobody’s Perfect Award for the week? Was it Bibi, who dared to try to warn the world that Obama was about to commit treason, not only against an ally but against his own country?
Or was it C.J. Pearson, who dared to criticized King Obama for being such a putz? And why him? LOTS of videos grace Facebook saying a lot of bad things about Obama. Could it be…it’s because he’s black? And other young black men are listening?
Mmmmmmmmmmmm
Who wins?
Obama. For being the most treasonous President ever to walk the halls of the White House.
May Sam Adams throw some tea down on his tyrannical head.
OR maybe—- it should be Facebook.
Take your pick.
Warren Buffet and the Hillary House of Cards
Nobody Flashes
It’s can’t hurt your brand when one of the richest men in the world basically gives their endorsement to you with a smile. Of course, If Hillary becomes President, then the Keystone pipeline will remain just a republican dream, and Buffets trains, will keep the money flowing.
In the meantime, he wants us all to believe that he lives on Coke and ice cream…so we will all run out and buy Coke and Dairy Queen.
AND, if you, like many Americans, watched the 13 episodes of this year’s season of House of Cards, you will see the perfect timing for Hillary to announce her candidacy.
Next year, going down to the wire, the next season of House of Cards will have Clare Underwood going after the office of the Presidency, in which she will lift woman’s wages, get all American jobs, give gays more rights, and become the format for which all Americans will run to the voting booths and vote for Hillary!
That’s the one thing Jeb Bush doesn’t have..is Hollywood’s House of Cards. 
Do You REALLY Want to Know My Nobody Opinion on Who Should Be the Republican Nominee?
Nobody’s Opinion
What else did I have to do last weekend? With snow drifts, and sub-zero wind chills, and more than a dash of curiosity, I turned on CSpan, and listened to the conservatives at CPAC.
I SHOULD have gone to the local pub.
Here’s the nobody compliant right up front: IF this were a true republic, and IF this was the real vetting of the man who the Republican Party will pick to run against Hillary, than Rand Paul would become the candidate in 2016. But it’s not. Reality is, and everybody knows it, we don’t live in that America anymore. It’s all smoke and mirrors and pretend.
What is even more noticeable about the whole thing, is the people that the MEDIA choose to leave out of the CPAC results. Rand Paul won…but it reported as ..oh, that didn’t matter much. These people really have no power to elect the REAL candidate.
Rand Paul’s win was mentioned, and then it was off to the talking points at hand on all the shows: Everybody talked about Jeb Bush and Scott Walker.
At the end of it all, you will laugh again, as you did last year when I stated my opinion…I STILL think that Donald Trump would be a the man for this time. And guess what? He is so hated by ALL the media, they are just leaving him off the lists. Just so that you won’t think I’m out of my ever loving wacko mind, I compare them all below, and my reasons why I think like I do.
My picks are based on —IF they could win against Hillary — Because if you don’t win, nothing else matters does it?
Starting from the bottom of the list and going up:
John Bolton: John is at the bottom for me, and I don’t believe he is a serious candidate. Against Hillary, he would come off as Bush’s big brother. Women would pick Hillary. He would not get the minority vote, Hispanic vote, or the black vote. He probably wouldn’t even get many white votes. He would get George W. Bush’s vote. But…who else? He’s may know the U.N. and foreign policy, but what does he know about anything else? He is a politician, nice guy, but as far as any of us know, still works for the Bushes.
Rick Santorum: One up from the bottom–now picture him next to Hillary. The young considered him old-fashion. Too strict. Rick lacks something very important in an American Presidential run, and that’s charisma. To beat the uncharismatic Hillary, you need it, because by default, it will go to Hillary. And Rick just doesn’t have it. But, you have to give him credit, he keeps trying.
Ben Carson: Okay, I did miss his speech, but would conservative America vote for another black man after all the race cards that Obama has played as President? To blacks, after the brain-washing of Obama, he would seem as a sell-out. It’s unfair to the man, but his timing is off. Besides that, he speaks slowly. Nothing against the man, because he is brilliant and brave, and god SHOULD have given the position as first black President to him, but didn’t happen.
Jeb Bush: Yes, he’s three up from the bottom with me. Actually, I think he should be below Ben Carson, but we are comparing the odds against Hillary.
Everyone was saying how BRAVE Jeb was to even show up…but I thought he had the attitude of “You people are really pissing me off, and should just shut up and not judge me, damn it.” He comes off to me, as even more entitled than his brother George. Jeb Bush will continue the globalist same old politics that got us into this Washington global mess, and he would do nothing for the country. Besides–he would NOT do well against Hillary in a debate. He comes off as the old republican white man entitled snob. I never thought that about him, until I heard him speak at CPAC. He thinks he would get the Hispanic vote, but that’s not a given. He knows a lot of conservatives (this one included) will stay home if he runs, so he’s already written us all off. Jeb Bush would probably lose to Hillary.
Chris Christie: Who doesn’t like his personality? He has a better chance than Jeb Bush against Hillary, but he is to most conservatives, a liberal in all other ways. He believes in global taxation, and to my mind, too willing to bend over backwards for just about any powerful man. None of us can forgive the way he treated Obama after the Hurricane. Once in office, he might become just as insufferable as Obama. Not to be trusted at all.
Scott Walker: Surprised that I put the second winner of the CPAC so low? Scott to his credit, did a lot for his home state. And the FOX news (which is now Bush’s station) has endorsed him to my mind to be Jeb’s VP. But when it comes to dealing with the world? Hillary would cream him on foreign policy in a debate. Not because she has done a thing for America, but because just by sheer damn luck, she was married to Bill Clinton and knows everyone on the planet. He would lose. It would be close, but the Clintons would defeat him.
Marco Rubio: Marco…he came out as being a tea party favorite, then switched to working with the Rinos’ and now says he made a mistake on immigration, but in reality, he is on the same page as Jeb Bush. Almost borderline RINO. Jeb might pick him for VP, but even with Rubio, most of the conservatives will stay home. IF he was on stage with Hillary, Hillary would make him look like just a young upstart college boy. Not a good image.
Rick Perry: Surprised that I put Rick Perry above Marco? I do this because Rick has upped his game. In a debate against Hillary, IF he could keep up the “I’m from Texas and I’m NOT fooling around” con, then Hillary would have to up her game. She would attack him on women’s issues which would be his weak point I think. Hillary, I hate to say it, might win by just a few votes. She would make him out to be a hick. He might win the popular vote, but she would win the electoral. Still, he would do better than Jeb.
Carly Fiorina: Against Hillary, Carly would win, and that’s why if she gets too popular, Jeb might HAVE to pick her as VP, although I don’t think he will. That’s how sure Jeb is of getting the nomination. Sad. I like her so far. Would she make a good President?
Can we do any worse?
Ted Cruz: As far as loving America and wanting to save it, Ted Cruz is the REAL deal. You don’t see this much in Washington—but the press would destroy him, like they did Sarah Palin. Sometimes the most honest men and women, become the first ones they ostracized. Would he win on stage in a debate with Hillary. Yes. Would the public vote for him? If his dad went on stage with him at every stop…it’s very possible.
Rand Paul : If we lived in a perfect would, Rand would be a great President. His ideas are right. Constitutional, tough, and he would make a fine President. BUT…in debates against Hillary Clinton, he would have to get the woman’s vote, and I’m not sure if the majority of young women would vote for Rand. He is trying to get the black vote right now. But in the real world, Rand and his Dad have been the lone sharks in the pool. Let’s face it: corporations have such a big hold over Washington DC that Rand would need an army of Constitutionalist to effect change. Half the Congress along with the President should go to jail, and that’s not going to happen.
But…the BIGGEST thing Rand has going against him is our state run media. BOTH FOX and CNN are already treating him as just a goof. They will continue, and now that the state will oversee the internet, you will see hoards of articles bashing him. They control it all. Can Rand stand up to it all? Not sure.
Bobby Jindal: Yes, He’s my second to the first: Bobby, to me, said all the things that should be said. And he hit them one after another, like golden bullets. He’s smart, calm, and MOST of all, a great speaker. He, more than any one at CPAC gave the best speech. The way he moved, his presence, and because he’s “colored” Hillary would have a hard time putting him into the old white boys club. He’s THE American. Born here, Loves it. And we believe it. But, the media is once again, treating him as…just a guy. He’s not special. Look away.
And for my wacko pick for man most likely to beat Hillary Clinton in 2016 IS:
Drum roll……………….
Donald Trump: Sure, he’s got a big mouth. Sure, he’s rough. Sure—he’s not a politician. He probably cheats, always comes out richer than the next guy, and may have done some scams in his lifetime in business…But it’s a fact: Americans are SICK TO DEATH of politicians.
What have they done for us lately?
Sure he’s a rich man. And who runs Washington D.C? Who runs the world? Rich men. Who knows how to negotiate with tyrants, rich men, and other countries?
Donald Trump.
America is dying. Donald is right, we have lost our manufacturing base. Every city has blocks and blocks of old buildings decaying …where once there was a thriving economy. The globalist, which were the Bushes, and the entrenched career politicians, are to blame for this. Along with the big money corporations, they decided to help the big banks and the big moneyed CEOs to expand to the world, and America would become…just a ‘service” economy.
Hey, it put the money in their stocks portfolios, but America was sacrificed.
Donald Trump, would at least TRY to reverse that. So what if he sometimes is blunt? We have a President now who chews gum in front of the Queen and insults our allies.
Trump wouldn’t do that precisely because he does business in all those countries. He’d only be hurting himself. Besides, his ego alone would make him try be the best President we ever had.
He’s a birther you say? Please. So am I. So is Sheriff Joe. He’s in good company.
Which by the way, is why I like him. Imagine, we have a man who hid everything from us while running for the White House, and the fact that they call anyone a nut job for even questioning that shows you just how corrupt the whole Washington cesspool really is.
If Donald picked a great conservative to run with him, Hillary would be gone.
Know why?
I personally know about 5 democratic women who would vote for him. YOUNG people would vote for him. He would take the woman’s vote away from her, and that’s all she is going to have.
We need action, and we are NOT going to get if from any politicians, After Reagan all we have gotten is talk.
That’s my Nobody’s Opinion and I’m sticking to it.
In the words of Bobby Jindal:
“It’s not just a fight with Democrats, but with some Republicans, as well,” said Jindal, a likely 2016 presidential candidate. “When we say, ‘We want to repeal Obamacare,’ we mean every single word…What was the point of getting these majorities if we weren’t even going to try to fight for these principles?”
Exactly.





