Ashton Kutcher Missed the…NASA Boat.
Nobody Wonders
Last night, I was listening to my favorite late night talk show host, George Noory, and his guest, was a man who insisted that Obama is going to nuke Iran, and the whole world will be destroyed. He kept saying that we must get him out of office or the whole world will be destroyed by nukes. He said that about fifty times.
Gee…that’s a pleasant thought.
So what does a Nobody do? Recently, Richard (Where’s The White House dope?) Branson, President and owner of Virgin Galactic, is selling tickets to outer space faster than you can say, “Biden Bonkers.” Ashton Kutcher has just announced that he is the 500 person in line for Richard’s trip. He has to wait some time before he gets to do his turn…and if he hadn’t have rushed into things..he could have gotten a much better deal for much less cash.
Yes, he could have gone to Mars, round trip, for $500,000. Nasaa new partners in Mars expeditions, Elon Musk, are going to have their Falcon 9 launcher and Dragon Vessel to carry the crew and luggage, up and running in about 13 years…just about the time Ashton will be going up in his very short and very expensive trip to the sky and back, I will be going to Mars. I will look back and wave at the little guy, because my trip will be MUCH more exciting.
That is: if I win Megamillions tonight. And If I win… I’ll have MORE than enough for a roundtrip ticket, and Ashton will have to just get in line….again.
I might even plant a few trees while I’m there. The place could use some sprucing up. 
Nobody Wants a Mile Long Wedding Veil…
Nobody Notes
I’m NOT a fashionable lady. Even though I had to dress up every single night for work..high heels, velvet dresses, red lipstick, push-up bras..(get your mind up one level…I was an ‘musician’), I would rather have on old jeans or shorts and no shoes at all. If you ask me to go look at pictures taken by Hubble, or go shopping, there would be no contest…I have closets full of clothes, and once in a while, I go look at them, and dream of selling off my whole collection of gowns to have enough money to buy a good telescope. 
But fashion is art in many circles, and some of us don’t get it. For instance: Someone made a veil for a wedding dress that is 1.85 miles long. Who is going to marry someone in that dress? For $7,950 I’d say it’s a bargain. And look at it here…how many bugs, and mud stains, and grass stains, and dog doo stains, and rocks rips, are ruining that veil just for this picture? You can’t tell me after this picture was taken that the dress is still good. The price should be reduced by half. You’d have to have the ceremony outside and maybe drap it over the grand canyon. Or fall out of a plane…or get married on top of the Empire State Building, and let it hang down the side.
Still…when you consider the other fashion hits of history, maybe a mile long veil isn’t so bad after all…. 
Obama FEELS Your Gas Pain:…. NOT
Nobody Remembers
Here’s a guy who made a pretty good video about the almost criminal hypocrisy of Obama when it comes to gas prices. There are clips from the Democrats when they were running for office, claiming that the whole world was falling apart due to Bush and his high gas prices…but now that they are in office…OH…how they have changed their tune.
High gas prices are good, because…fewer people drive and fewer people will die due to car accidents. They are SO optimistic. (Rreally, they used that word.)
Fewer people will fly too…so who’s life is that going to save? Fewer people will be able to afford food. Whose life is that going to save?
I think they are hoping gas is so high by-election day, fewer people will drive to the polls. That’s part of their plan.
I usually don’t post email during the week, but this one is too good to pass up.
(Thanks to Tom Beebe)
Hillary–Still Looking for That Lost Plane…That Lost Presidency…That Lost Husband…
Nobody Cares
What’s wrong with me? Here we are in the middle of the worst economic depression since the LAST one, the only difference being we now have credit cards to pile up our debt— gas prices are going up, food prices are going up, people have even stopped looking for work, we have a radical Marxist in the White House with dreams of a communist utopia, N. Korea wants to attack us, China wants to buy us, Russia wants to destroy us, and the whole middle East wants us taken down to Allah’s basement…and what is Hillary Clinton, our Secretary of State concerned about?
Finding out where Amelia’s Earhart’s plane crashed.
Why, that is of the utmost importance…far beyond any kind of national security. On Hillary Clinton’s mind, her childhood hero needs to be found. Hillary is running out of hero’s. Obama reincarnated his own image with Lincoln, FDR, Martin Luther King, Mandela, Mohammed, Mao, and Jesus just to name a few. But poor Hillary…not many liberal women there to pick from. 
Hillary couldn’t muster herself to honor Margaret Thatcher or Mother Teresa, so she HAS to bring back Amelia Earhart….that lesbian looking woman who manage to crash her own plane.
And once again…why should I care? Is this all about getting women to CARE again about the Democratic party? Or is this just Hillary, the woman who, unlike most of the rest of us, never got over the sixties and fighting for women’s rights, and the fact that her own party choose Obama over her.
Hillary is still mad she didn’t get to be President as promised. Sure, we all like Amelia, but really, must you make a big deal out of finding a dead someone, —by trying to find her makeup mirror?
Did Amelia even WEAR makeup?
Like I said…do we care? Don’t we have more important things to worry about?
The Grass is Green—What’s that Mean? GOLF!
Nobody Knows
—That I am a golf brat. It was my father’s daily pastime and my mother’s favorite game to hate. I was bought up on the fact that golf will ruin a man…My father played 18 holes a day, and 74 on weekends, even when it snowed. My parents fought like cats and dogs for over 40 years, untill one day, after she retired from working…my mother got hooked on it to0.
Why my father didn’t get her hook on it sooner, I’ll never know. It would have saved me hours of listening to my mom complain about…”GO GET YOUR FATHER! HE”S STILL ON THE GOLF COURSE!”
Okay mom. —Yeah, the course was a few blocks away. I got pretty good at dodging golf balls.
So, I’ve seen a lot of golf shots in my day..but nothing like this.
Somebody blew on this ball…or it had some kind of magnet in it. Come on. This cannot be real….and who has a name like FUZZY? Did Fuzzy forget to take the trick golf ball out of his bag?
Nobody’s Perfect: The Southside Chicago Parenting Style of the Obamas
Nobody’s Perfect
While President “I deserve to be reelected” Obama, and his wife “I teach my children Southside Chicago Values” Michelle, are actually in the White House for the next few hours, their daughter Malia is down in Mexico with the rest of the 1% mostly white rich kids who come from all the elite colleges, to party on spring break.
Our own country is not near exotic enough for the sex and beer orgies of the college kids anymore, and since NAFTA is all about free trade, our rich parents now send their kids down to Mexico to party.
Here’s a response from a reader at Glenn Beck’s site:
This is the most absurd thing from the White House and Marie Antoinette wannabe yet. A 13-year-old needs to go on spring break on the taxpayer dime when there are children who are too hungry to go school and people who cannot afford the gas to drive their children to McDonalds. Sorry, my mistake, McDonalds is poison, Mexico – safe haven. This is immoral. What a spoiled little rich brat. I don‘t give a tinker’s dam about her safety that’s a problem for the Marxist in Chief and Marie Antoinette junior. The entitlement mentality is in the genes. What a direct slap in the face to the American people. The rich should pay more taxes right? Let’s decrease the presidential travel budget for the most arrogant unfeeling piece crap God ever put on earth. What a joke these people are and to Mexico of all places. Then again, why not. Fast and furious kingpin Obama and Holter are in bed with the Mexican drug cartel. The mafia princess will be safe.
Nobody SAYS: I love reading other people’s opinion. As you can see, most of America is appalled that any parent would send their daughter to witness a drunken sex orgy, even WITH 25 body guards. (Come on..how much are we paying the whole Mexican police force?) 
Not to mention, if anything happens to the President’s daughter, we would have to fork out millions to save her. OR worse, go to war for his mistakes.
Michelle Obama told David Letterman recently that she has passed her Southside Chicago values on to her children. So, we can assume that Southside Chicago values include making sure your daughter experience her budding sexuality in the finest manner: Sex is good. Getting drunk is fun: and it’s your body MAO , so be sure you have contraception, you don’t want to be burdened with a baby at 13.
No, as parents, most of us would agree that Michelle and Barack are not good role models, but as you can see—liberals believe that they are special: they want their children to experience all the life that they possibly can. Want to sit on a snake baby? Okay! Want to sit on an alligator? Okay! Want to go to the dangerous country Mexico and pick up boys! Okay!
Our own state department warns Americans about going to Mexico:
“Crime and violence are serious problems throughout the country and can occur anywhere. U.S. citizens have fallen victim to TCO activity, including homicide, gun battles, kidnapping, carjacking and highway robbery.”
UPDATE: AND—a 7.5 earthquake just hit 119 miles north of where Malia is staying.
Good thing Obama told the press to take down the story on his daughter…since we are paying for the trip, Americans would like to know how much fun Malia had screaming while the ground beneath her rocked back and forth. We would like to know if those Southside Chicago values told her how to survive an Earthquake.
I doubt it. But you can be sure that one of the Southside Chicago Values is this:Spend as much of everybody else’s money as you possibly can because someday, their money will be gone.
Right MAO?
Nobody’s Email: The IRISH Beer Commercial
Nobody Gets Email
I just got this, this morning. And since last week I posted a Japanese Beer commercial, and an American Beer commercial, what’s one more? Here’s one from the Brits..or Irish, well, whoever makes the Guinness Beer.
It’s not much different from the American, where the men are made to look really stupid, but it does have a clever twist to it.
ENJOY!
(Thanks to amfortas) PS…Great dog.
The Duchess VS Obama
Nobody Reports
It’s been said that women are fainting all over the country, whenever they come close to Obama. But today, Obama went to a pub, to drink beer because it’s the one day he will admit he has Irish blood. There were no reports of any one fainting…
BUT…overseas, in the real land where the celebrating is authentic, we now see Obama has some competition. While the Duchess of Cambridge put a shamrock on the noble beast Conmeal…some poor guy just couldn’t take the excitement.
As you can see, they just left him lying there. The ceremony was MUCH too important. 
Would YOU River Dance to the Caucuses?
Nobody’s Happy St. Patty’s Day Message.
After you have read Angela’s Ashes, and wondered why when the Irish ran out of potatoes, they didn’t just go catch some fish— when you see this dance you know why they starved. Obviously, the Irish don’t like to move very far when they walk. In fact, they prefer to take steps in one spot, so as to be near the closest keg of beer.
How did the Irish come up with this dance? Where the bars so small that no one dared to dance out of their little space, least they find themselves outside in the mud?
Whatever the reason, it’s fun to watch…and it also gave me a good idea. If we demanded that every welfare recipient under the age of 45 had to perform a RIVER DANCE every time they applied for their check, we’d have a lot of very slim welfare recipients in Mississippi, the fattest state in the union. Michelle is going about this weight loss thing the wrong way. Make all the kids in grade school learn to River Dance.
An hour of this, and we’d have a bunch of skinny kids. They could then go home and eat whatever they wanted–whole bags of potato chips.
Look. There is not one fat person in that line.
Having said that…St. Patty’s Day in St. Louis IS the biggest celebration here in town. No one here can afford to get drunk on New Year’s Eve anymore. The expensive hotel packages cost too much. But on St. Patty’s day, everyone goes downtown, watches the parade, and gets as drunk on less than thirty dollars.
AND SO…I ask you–Was this a good day for the Republicans to have their caucuses in Missouri? The parade starts at 10am. So do the caususes. So when the working man gets up in the morning does he go..”Hey…I’ve worked all week…let’s to sit in to the caucuses for 3 hours and get our country back!” (Somebody in the Romney camp thought of this one, since Santorum won the vote.)
OR…does he get up and say, “It’s St. Patty’s DAY…ALL my friends are going downtown! Green BEER! Let’s go! “
No, republicans are not as smart as democrats…because the democrats are staging Wall Street Protests all over the US today, the one day everyone goes downtown to drink. It’s the only day they feel SAFE going downtown. The protesters will have a big audience, and most of those people will be…stumbling. There will be many fist fights not reported, because it’s our right to fight on St. Patty’s day! Right?
The Irish people came to America in droves…and they got on the police forces, and built New York, and gave us the Kennedy’s…..and, I’m not so sure what to say about that, but–it’s a day to be happy. I’m happy. People need to drink green beer if it makes them happy I say.
Personally, I like this videos because of the drumming in the beginning. You might like the redhead…which may I add, is an endangered spices. So, have a Happy St. Patty’s day! And go ahead…try to River Dance.
Nobody is going to laugh if you do
March 15: A Day for Spacebats
Nobody’s Fool
Space….the final frontier…reminds us on this St. Patty’s Day weekend, —that we lost a brave Irish bat named Mahoney, on March 15, 2009. (How do I know he was Irish? Listen the music…) Bat Mahoney…took to the sky, hitching a ride on the tail of NASA’s Discovery…to make that final voyage that from now on, will no longer be dreamed of by bats or American men.
We have ended our quest to explore space. But not every man is going to stop leaping new bounds. Now we have a brave German to take his place.
Austrian skydiver Felix Baumgartner ( A GERMAN!) took a practice jump today, (March 15, 2012) to help him prepare for his leap from the edge of space later this year where he hopes to not only break the sound barrier with his body, but also break the record for the longest free fall.
Yes, Felix, who wants to be the first man to break the sound barrier with his head, can thank the brave and noble Irish Bat Mahoney, for paving the way for men like him. Will Felix’s body fall to the ground intact?
Will we hear a human sonic boom? Or a human sonic splat?
Or will, like poor Bat Mahoony, will Felix just fall onto the ground and someone will make a video with sweet German polka’s in the background remembering his great bravery?
Nobody Knows how much Red Bull is paying Felix to jump off its Red Bull Stratos, but I’ld like to personally think them for the entertainment.
Nobody Thinks Gays Should NOT be Time Lords
Nobody Remembers
I was a BIG Doctor Who fan. My favorite doctor was Tom Baker of course…and just to meet the man, I donated my P.A. system for a convention, where I made up taped cassettes of Space Movies. If you donated something to the Dr. Who Convention (here in St. Louis) you got to go to the private party and met Tom Baker himself.
So, picture me. In a small hotel room, listening to a bunch of whiny space cadets, and in walks my big crush…with that big English smile of his, and immediately about 15 girls surrounded him and I knew that I couldn’t get even near him.
Therefore, I drank at the bar. And I drank some more. And then, I pushed my way to the front of the crowd and Tom Baker went into what I’m sure was the most brilliant conversation ever said to any human, and he talked about 30 minutes right to my face.
And I had NO idea what he said. It was beyond, not only my intellect, but my inebriated comprehension. As soon as he was done, I sat down on the nearest step and didn’t get up. He must have known I was drunk because before he left the room, he grabbed my face in-between those big hands of his and said “Goodbye My little drummer girl!”
And so, from that moment on, my 10-year-old son got to stay up late on Sunday Nights, past midnight, untill he was well into high school, just to watch Dr. Who with his mom. I figured he could learn a bigger vocabulary from watching Dr. Who, than anything taught at his public school. And I was right.
Which brings me to THIS: We now have a gay Dr. Who running the Universe. If not for Craig’s marvelous rendition of Dr. Who…I would say something. Wait…I am going to say something: Gays can be many things…but they should NOT be TimeLords. That’s just my Nobody Opinion.
ENJOY!
Nobody’s Perfect: Sapporo Beer VS Bud Light
Nobody’s Perfect:
America likes to think it’s King of the World when it comes to advertising. But let’s compare these two beer commercials.
If you can, put the Japanese Beer commercial above on your big screen. It has 3D effects…
Then, compare the BUD LIGHT commercial, where the humor is in making fun of the American man.
Which beer would YOU want to try?
We fought a World War…and we defeated the Japanese…and then it seems the women took over. I wouldn’t doubt if some foreign company did this Bud Light commercial. WAIT…Bud is now owned by Belgian/Brazilian company: InBev. Do you think that had anything to do with making fun of American man?
That’s what happens with globalization. Other countries can make fun of you while making a buck. Nobody Thinks the Bud Light commericals are very funny, though…let’s all remember that there are bad dancers and smelly men in every country…even Japan, where they make sure that their culture is glorified, even in their beer commercials.
Who won the contest? You decide.
(Thanks to Tom Beebe for the Sapporo commercial)
Ugly Chair: Ugly Purses
Nobody Flashes
This is your ugly chair alert. Someone decided that a chair should have gold charms hanging off the side of it.
No doubt, they were denied a charm bracelet by their mother when they were a child. Maybe it was a boy whose mum didn’t think it would be very becoming for her son to wear charm bracelets. I try not to think about these things, but when they jump out at you, there is not much you can do.
Wait a minute. My own mother once deprived me of a charm when I was about five! We were standing in some store and she was waiting to buy something, and I saw this little tiny silver charm of a bicycle. It’s little petals went around and around as did the wheels and I begged my mother to buy it for me. She turned and said to me, “You know, there are so many children in the world who don’t have anything. There are little babies in Africa…STARVING and they don’t have any toys!” Yes, she used the old liberal “guilt” trip on me.
It was devastating. Not only did I know I would never in my life get to own such a beautiful charm, I also know my mother didn’t love me, and that I was trash for even wanting it. I didn’t eat for…the rest of the day.
Good God. My mother scarred me for life! Is it any wonder that I don’t like to ride bikes? (Nobody is hoping that her readers know she is having too much fun trying to blame her mother.)
Anyway, back to my rant.
Those dorky looking baby brambles on the legs also need explaining. Just imagine, if someday the world is destroyed by a virus, which eats flesh, and leaves ugly chairs alone.
I’m not going there. Besides, who would FIT in that? Half of America couldn’t even try.
The world has way too many ugly purses and ugly chairs. And speaking of ugly purses, this one is not cheap.
Those are real pearls. The skull–I must admit, is nice though. It’s nice that it has at least one redeeming factor.
So, dear reader, if you had to pick between the two…which would you choose?
Which is worth more? The gold charms or the pearls?
Don’t be shy. Just because I think they are both ugly, doesn’t man you don’t think they are really cool. I’m sure YOUR mother would have bought you a charm!
You know what? I don’t think those pearls are real—do you? And as far as we can tell…those gold charms are gold painted fishhooks.
About
I am a nobody. If the different classes of America were color-coded, I would be in the yucky brown, one rung up from the bottom. I grew up in Naples, Florida and live near the Mississippi River now with my husband and two dogs. I am part of the slowly disappearing middle-class. I was a musician most of my life: drummer/singer/keyboards—but I retired before the plastic surgery flu hit. I have no degrees, which could be a good thing…depending on how you view our educational system. I do have three patents…but that really doesn’t make me a somebody. The one thing that is constant in my life is my OPINIONS, which i have more than perhaps even Carl Sagan could have imagined…mostly political. (yes…my ancestors were crabby buggers)
Hopefully other nobody’s will put their opinions on my site. But, if you happen to be a somebody, you’re more than welcomed to help out.
It’s my Nobody Opinion that Nobody’s Perfect, and Nobody Cares, that Nobody Knows why Nobody Wins, and when that happens, Nobody Wonders, why Nobody Flashes, why Nobody’s Fooled, but then Nobody remembers that Nobody ALWAYS Reports the truth.
You can email me at joyanna_adams@yahoo.com
Joyanna Adams
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